The problem with being 23 and liking someone who is living overseas

Hey readers 


So I like to keep this blog as honest and as real as possible because I am a real person and so are you all and I respect you all even though I may not know you, its just the type of person I am. 

So I like this male who lives overseas on the Opposite side of the world to be frank. I know that he likes me but I am not sure how much. ( I may have had a little bit of a vomit moment doesnt help that I am sick at the moment) we met through Tinder (sorry parentals and family if you are reading this but we all have to grow up at some stage) when they were here on vacation and have kept in contact ever since. At first I was as always really slow I mean he could have subtley told me he liked me and it would have gone straight over my head because that is just me LOL. I also really dont like talking about my feelings either I am a female though. 

So this evening we were chatting as we do and because I really dont like Valentines day I call it International Spew day and his exams are starting tomorrow I wished him luck for his exams,and I aslo said Happy international spew day (Valentines Day) which i pretty much will say to anyone little child, elderly person, dog, cat or family member. Well this turned the convo West to South west he said don't you like valentines day which i said NOPE (not in capitals though should have) anyway then he said what about meeting a person i had met recently tomorrow and I said i would rather meet them on any other day than tomorrow. I then said you could meet a girl on Valentines day which he said he wouldn't. (which i doubt) 

Anyway He said "would I have a problem if he did?" and to be frank I actually wouldn't which i said to him and I also said that we are both adults living on opposite sides of the world. (which if you know me this would be a milestone but is also the honest truth) then he told me a situation and i said to focus on his exams and to get the best results he possibly can. My advice as a listener and as a friend and because I care I told him that he has his whole life for the crazy that us us women and that he should concentrate on his exams. 

I think that there is a huge difference between male brains and female brain even if you are older or younger. I have science to back this up but females mature quicker than males. this has nothing to do with being smart or behaviour or looks before anyone says anything else or curses me out. 

I think sometimes and I have seen this with my own eyes that males and females think and feel things completely different. hear me out, so I think that males do not talk about their emotions with their friends, for some which is a shame. Us women on the other hand will discuss our emotions to our friends we will discuss our feelings with our friends at length. So back to the situation at hand (this is going to make me really uncomfortable and its going to make me think about it for a little more than I should). Right so when I talk to this certain male its different to my feelings to any other person I have met before. That was really uncomfortable for me to say that, Ok moving on anyway I am not a mushy person but I feel comfortable talking to them lol most males i try to keep at a distance which believe me i did at first but then something changed (feelings got involved those things... oh great) I don't know how but I think we kind of connected which is a rare and very frustrating when dealing with me it doesnt happen often. 

I think also because he is the very first person to have ever met me twice i am not one of those people that guys meet twice (dating wise) which is probably another reason and I think he could tell. I think also because we were supposed to meet a third time oh god i am saying to much shut the doors quick. But also because he treated me the way and still treats me respectfully. 

The only thing that sucks the most is the distance because he is back overseas now, I wish that we lived a little bit closer to eachother. It is really tough and we both don't know where we stand, I feel as though because I am sick at the moment and I have my illnesses that time is short this is how i see life in general. I feel as though sometimes because i am sick I think why would someone like me when they can have a perfectly healthy person with no illness, also because i live a distance I also think that they could one day meet someone who they can have who is perfectly healthy, who lives in the same city who they could have in an instant. We never know when our time is going to be up, if something could happen and we pass away. Its tough its not easy feeling like this, At the moment I am battling a gut issue, anxiety (which to be fair is not too bad) my lupus nephoritis and my adhd. so my brain and my hormones are ALL over the place. I feel though as well that everyone is fighting their own battles and its ok to feel like this. 

My question is Why is it that we have to sometimes have to barricade ourselves from telling someone we like them and that its tough not having them there with us? or Why is it tough to tell someone that we feel as though we are inadequate and that we have low self esteem? Is it ok to feel this? or is do we just close the door and leave them be? If I lived closer would we both still feel the same?

Cheers Eimz x